OK, so I get a couple emails a week asking all kinds of questions about the site so rather than being nice and continuing to reply to them I’m just going to write this and hope that the curious know what a search bar does and maybe get a clue for Christmas this year. What’s that smell? Jesus, it’s, fuck is something burning? Oh yeah – it’s from that sick burn I just administered. Get yourself some ointment pronto, Tonto.
What does Rambleast actually mean, sir? (Sample inquisitors: “iAmJonathaNDAviSesVocals”, “platonic_miasma”, “Barry Quinn”)
It doesn’t mean anything in English. It might mean something in other languages but I don’t know any other languages beyond what a 16 year old knows of French. Parlez vous Francais, Rambleast? Oui. I mean, non. So yeah, I don’t know what it means.
But I DO know why I chose it…
Is the T being below the Rambleas on the left side of the site intentional? (Sample inquisitors: “Burned”, “WTFuk”, “klenchedhole”
Who’s the guy in the header picture? (Sample inquisitor: The genuine Teeshocked Bertie Aherne)
That’s my uncle Patsy. I took a picture of him and digitised it with a free program I downloaded called patsyfix. I don’t know where the orange came from because I took the photo against a yellow background.
Why don’t you write anymore? (Sample inquistors: the millions of Rambleast readers every day)
I’m working on it, chill. Fix yourself a nice tall glass of shut up juice. What are these? Is it not some words? If you dined on words you read on the internet you’d not be fucking wanting right now, now, would you?
What happened to all the pages you used to have? (Sample siiiiiiiiiiiigh…)
They’re still on the site but you have to look for them. I didn’t like that they
Hey, can I’ve the lend of a fiver for the bus home?
How would that even work?
You’re in a bit of a mood.
Like anyone thinks I’m being serious. You don’t even exist.
Are you going to keep writing for Blast Process and The Peter Cushing Appreciation Society like you were a few months back to great acclaim?
Absolutely, as soon as I finish this job.
When is that?
Is it true that you learned how to spell that word as soon as you realised it had the word NES in the middle?
And you’re annoyed by the fact that people sometime refer to it as the En Ee Ess when it’s clearly pronounced Nez?
Well, I don’t even care. Like that’s a frequently asked question.
So, what else have you got planned?
Well, the things I’ve always wanted to get done are a comprehensive study of the albums produced by Scott Burns and a look at comics and how stupid they are. Also, and this sounds like something a little kid would say, but I’ve been really interested in Hercules recently?
Yes. Did you know his name was actually Heracles?
I care in negative digits.
I am you.
How did I get to be in bold?
We switched a few questions back.
Look, I’m calling the shots here. Get back to the FAQs, you figment.
O kayyyyy…when can we expect a list or something? Tomorrow? At around 9pm?
Tomorrow, around 9pm.
Fine, we’ll see you then.
This was a bad idea…